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 in which amadhay’s heart breaks

 

 

Amadhay stayed where she was, still frozen in place.

She couldn’t believe what she had just seen. She couldn’t. It went against everything she understood of Palnoki versus Phoegani. The Phoegani would have killed Indigo. The Palnoki wouldn’t. They couldn’t have.

They hadn’t, not yet.

There was a whimper coming from Indigo, a soft crying but no screaming. Indigo never screamed. Not when Christein had used him for target practice, not when Arne Riff had whipped him, not when Amadhay had screwed up her first healing and had hurt him more than his broken tail. Indigo never screamed. He was too quiet, too damaged to scream. He didn’t feel pain the same way others did. He couldn’t, not after everyone in his life had hurt him and kept hurting him. So instead, he just lay there and cried softly, muttering his name for her and apologies to her.

Apologies to her when she hadn’t made a move to save him. Apologies to her when it was her fault he was dying.

Feeling like a coward, she slowly crawled out of her hiding spot. She couldn’t manage to stand because she felt like she didn’t deserve to. She didn’t deserve to stand on two feet when the one person who had ever truly put her before himself was bleeding out on the floor and she hadn’t done anything to save him, couldn’t do anything to save him. He was the most loyal person she had ever known, her truest, most selfless love and he was dying.

She crawled to him on all four, but he didn’t see her. His eyes were screwed tightly shut. He was clutching himself, crying. Crying her name. “Indy is so sorry Mistress Kitty. Indy is so sorry. Indy only wanted to help. Indy is so sorry.”

“Hey now, Indy,” she whispered, unable to talk any louder because she felt like she was breaking. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Mistress Kitty doesn’t know. Indy thought Indy was helping Mistress Kitty but the bad men lied. The bad men tricked Indy.” He still didn’t open his eyes. She wasn’t sure he knew that she was there. She wondered if he thought her voice was the same as the Goddess’s or if he regularly heard her voice talking to him.

“I know,” she lied because she had no idea what Atlas and Stefan or any of the other Palnokians had forced her Indigo to do in her name. She knew he would have done literally anything for her. “But it’s okay, Indy, because it’s not your fault,” she told him, slowly reaching out and finally petting his head. His eyes opened and he stared at her with such complete love and loyalty that she wanted to cry.

“Mistress Kitty is here for Indy,” he whispered. “Don’t let the bad men have Mistress Kitty. Indy did what Indy could to stop them.”

“Shh, I know,” she lied again, having no idea what he was talking about and wishing she did. She wouldn’t cry, she didn’t deserve to cry. “I’m so sorry. I should have stopped them,” she whispered, pressing her face to his hair.

He nuzzled into her and his hand left his stomach, where he had been holding one of his wounds, and instead he took her hand. “It isn’t Mistress Kitty’s fault. Bad men hurt Indy, not Mistress Kitty. Mistress Kitty couldn’t do anything.”

There he was trying to comfort her, while he was the one dying. She should have been comforting him. She knew that. She squeezed his hand tightly. “I won’t let them get away with hurting you, Indy, I swear,” she choked out, feeling tears well up in her eyes.

No,” Indigo said as forcefully as he could with two bullets lodged in his chest and one in his stomach. “Mistress Kitty is good,” he whispered. His grip was weakening. Amadhay couldn’t stop herself from crying now. “Mistress Kitty must stay good.”

“But I’m not good, Indy. He was right. I’m horrible. I’m worse than them,” she blubbered, pulling her face back so that she could look at him. Even though she knew it had to be incredibly painful for him, Indigo forced himself up enough to hug her.

“Mistress Kitty is good. Always good.”

Amadhay was crying so hard that she almost missed blood coming from Indigo’s mouth. “No, Indy, Indy, no,” she cried, trying to put pressure on the wound even though the rational part of her mind knew it was too late, that it had been too late the moment Stefan had shot him.

She was positive Indigo was trying to comfort her more, but all that came out of his mouth was a gurgle as his chest filled with blood. Even though she knew he was dead, she couldn’t stop herself. It was like watching a movie. The rational part of her mind watched as she tried every spell that she could think of. The healing spell she had first tried on Indigo all those years ago, which wasn’t anywhere near strong enough for the situation. The cauterizing spell that she couldn’t get the hold of. The energy transference spell Ribbon had been trying to teach her. The bubble breath spell she used for swimming. She tried everything, but Indigo wasn’t moving. He wasn’t breathing. He wasn’t talking.

He was silent and limp, just lying there as she pushed all of her power into him. She tried so hard and so long that her magic was manifesting itself in the room as a thick, pungent mist of purple glitter.

“Indy!” she screamed once she had no more magic inside of her body and could barely move, “Wake up! You have to wake up!” she sobbed, holding him over her lap. “Please Indy. Please wake up.”


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November 2016

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